what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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