help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
