I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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