Kiss
Puke
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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