I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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