you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
