Well apparently he's into motor boating.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
