woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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