so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
