I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She bit a glass in half.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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