I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
