who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
