Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
