She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
