R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
