The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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