If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My life is pants optional.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
