and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
