4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
