i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
