and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
