I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
