you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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