Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
