Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
