I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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