i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
