Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
