she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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