i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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