its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
