How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
