just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
did you just send me my own nude
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
