I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
