My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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