At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
