guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
