Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize