idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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