saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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