i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
