i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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