I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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