we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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