Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
