Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
