i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
