I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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