I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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