yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
