I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can text with my tongue
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
