Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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