glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize