she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
