Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
