Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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