No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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