so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
