You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
