Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
