i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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