he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize