Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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