dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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