She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
