Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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