i think i have herpe
just one?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
