1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
