so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
