Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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