I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
