He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
