New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He had one of those small greek statue penises
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
