Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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