I will die if light touches me.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
