awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
