you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
