Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
