But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
