i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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