NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
