Sry I called you an 8
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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