Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
